Monday, May 19, 2008

Post-Fight Hearing Transcript Uncovered

Many have continued to speculated if there was a specific incident that led to Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force, Gen. Duncan McNabb conducting a joint meeting with the CEO's of Boeing and Northrop Grumman last month.

There had been talk that it was the result of a scuffle that took place behind Tortilla Coast just prior to a tanker hearing on Capitol Hill. But until now, the News Team 4 has not been able to verify TAnchorman's first hand accounts of the event.

Today though a professional staff member on the House Armed Services Committee was able to release to us the following transcript of a post-fight conversation that was picked up on their microphone right before a hearing:

Ron Burgundy: I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself thrust into the middle of vicious cockfight.

Fake Ron Sugar: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Fake Allan McArtor: It jumped up a notch!

Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?

Fake Ralph Crosby: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!

Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Ralphy Boy killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?

Fake Ralph Crosby: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!

Ron Burgundy: Ralph, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably find yourself a safehouse or a distant relative. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Fake Allan McArtor: You got friends in France right?

Fake Ron Sugar: I'm not sure that's a good idea. Rember, Ralph is kind of implicated in France on massive insider trading scandal. It's sort of a big deal.

Ron Burgundy: How about Mobile?

Fake Allen McArtor: Ah yes, beautiful Mobile discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it Mobile, which of course in German means "lovely toe".

Ron Burgudy: No, there's no way that's correct.

Fake Allan McArtor: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

Fake Ron Sugar: Doesn't it come from the Muskhogean Native American people who had built a fortified town they called “Maubila” from which the name Mobile was later derived?

Fake Allan McArtor: No. No. That's not it at all.

Ron Burgudy: No, I think Dr. Sugar is right, that's what it means. Really.

Fake Allan McArtor: Agree to disagree.

Fake Ralph Crosby: Mmm, I just burnt my tongue.

Fake Ron Sugar: Damn it Burgundy, I told you to keep lighters away from Ralph.

[Note: The above names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any likeness or similarities to real people is strictly coincidental.]

We have since reprimanded Ron Burgundy (aka TAnchorman) for actively participating in a news story instead of just reporting on it. We apologise and we ask for our readers forgiveness. We know you have many media choices and if you wanted such bush league antics you would have visited Geraldo's blog.

We would again like to thank the professional staff of the House Armed Services Committee, as this transcript has helped us answers a number of questions including:

1) Why Gen. McNabb felt he had to calm the situation.
2) Why the CEO of EADS North America has not been heard from lately.
3) Why you should never play with lighters.


Anonymous said...

TAman humm, how long have you been with Boeing?

TAnchorman said...

TAnchorman is not and never has been employed by Boeing. I can usually be found on San Diego's New Channel 4, but if you need help in the LA area, I am always willing to look at bigger media markets.

Put in a good word for me at the Dialy Show.....

Tanchorman said...

Oops..typo. Should read Daily Show. Love that John Stewart!