Tuesday, May 27, 2008

EADS Pulls Controversial Advertisements

TAnchorman today reports that, in what can only be described as a stunning turn of events, EADS was forced to drop its new "I am EADS" advertisement campaign.

The original “I am EADS” advertisement series was touted as one of the most innovative among corporate advertising campaigns. These ads focused on the American men and women who work for EADS and provide a warm American face to the state-owned European conglomerate.

The new improved "I am EADS" campaign was to highlight the owners and rouge, but lovable, international customers that make EADS was it is today. Pictured above is one of the ads (click on it to increase the size).

EADS spokesperson Helmitt Fritz initially defended the ads by saying, "Americans have to understand that some of the subtleties and nuances get lost in the translation. Putin is a really a big supporter of US foreign policy. You just have to look him in the eyes and get a sense of his soul."

The French advertising company responsible for the ads though has since quit the account over creative differences. They now plan to focus exclusively on creating more creepy Burger King ads.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

EADS To Be Put On Notice

TAnchorman is pleased to announce that award winning news host Steve Colbert of the Colbert Report has been rumored to be readying a universal condemnation of the Air Force tanker contract decision. As such, he has put EADS near the top of his On-Notice List.

New Team 4 has also received preliminary reports that Mr. Colbert will announce later this week that Airbus will be put on his Dead-to-Me List.

It is about time more conservatives got in the tanker fight.

KC-30 Tanker Naming Contest Update

TAnchorman would like to thank Tanker War Blog for allowing me to host and judge the KC-30 naming contest. It is a high honor and I take the responsibility to run a fair competition very seriously.

Remember the rules for the contest are simple:

1) Suggested names must be brief, no more than two short words. (No EADS you don't get extra credit of longer names or words that carry more vowels. So please stop having your Senator write us demanding changes to our RFP.)

2) Entrants are encouraged to include a brief explanation for their idea if needed.

3) Entries should be in the spirit of good humor. Keep it classy!

4) All entries must be received by 11:59 PM EST 31 May 2008.
Here are some noteworthy of the submissions received to date:

the DeGaull Bladder

the Corkerel (This is the French national bird also known as the Gallic Rooster)

the Scarebus

the Parisian Peacock

the Flying Subsidy

the FODzilla (FOD is Foreign Object Debris. The implication being it is big and will fall apart.)

the Tankosaurs

Best Tanker Ever (TAnchorman comments: This submission has been disqualified as it is too long and not believable enough)

the Petrosaurs (The Pterosaurs was a flying dinosaur)

the Mockingbird (Since we will surely be mocked for our stupidity in buying it)

the Bloated Emu (Flightless bird that has EU in the name)

the Flying Frog

the French Fly or French Fry

the Albatross

the Outsource

Keep the submissions coming........

Monday, May 19, 2008

Post-Fight Hearing Transcript Uncovered

Many have continued to speculated if there was a specific incident that led to Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force, Gen. Duncan McNabb conducting a joint meeting with the CEO's of Boeing and Northrop Grumman last month.

There had been talk that it was the result of a scuffle that took place behind Tortilla Coast just prior to a tanker hearing on Capitol Hill. But until now, the News Team 4 has not been able to verify TAnchorman's first hand accounts of the event.

Today though a professional staff member on the House Armed Services Committee was able to release to us the following transcript of a post-fight conversation that was picked up on their microphone right before a hearing:

Ron Burgundy: I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself thrust into the middle of vicious cockfight.

Fake Ron Sugar: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Fake Allan McArtor: It jumped up a notch!

Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?

Fake Ralph Crosby: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart!

Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Ralphy Boy killed a guy! Did you throw a trident?

Fake Ralph Crosby: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!

Ron Burgundy: Ralph, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should probably find yourself a safehouse or a distant relative. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Fake Allan McArtor: You got friends in France right?

Fake Ron Sugar: I'm not sure that's a good idea. Rember, Ralph is kind of implicated in France on massive insider trading scandal. It's sort of a big deal.

Ron Burgundy: How about Mobile?

Fake Allen McArtor: Ah yes, beautiful Mobile discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it Mobile, which of course in German means "lovely toe".

Ron Burgudy: No, there's no way that's correct.

Fake Allan McArtor: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

Fake Ron Sugar: Doesn't it come from the Muskhogean Native American people who had built a fortified town they called “Maubila” from which the name Mobile was later derived?

Fake Allan McArtor: No. No. That's not it at all.

Ron Burgudy: No, I think Dr. Sugar is right, that's what it means. Really.

Fake Allan McArtor: Agree to disagree.

Fake Ralph Crosby: Mmm, I just burnt my tongue.

Fake Ron Sugar: Damn it Burgundy, I told you to keep lighters away from Ralph.

[Note: The above names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any likeness or similarities to real people is strictly coincidental.]

We have since reprimanded Ron Burgundy (aka TAnchorman) for actively participating in a news story instead of just reporting on it. We apologise and we ask for our readers forgiveness. We know you have many media choices and if you wanted such bush league antics you would have visited Geraldo's blog.

We would again like to thank the professional staff of the House Armed Services Committee, as this transcript has helped us answers a number of questions including:

1) Why Gen. McNabb felt he had to calm the situation.
2) Why the CEO of EADS North America has not been heard from lately.
3) Why you should never play with lighters.

Friday, May 16, 2008

EADS Tests New KC-30 MOG Procedures

TAnchorman has this exclusive video of a 1/16 model test of new Maximum-On-Ground (MOG) enhancement procedures to accommodate the larger KC-30.

Because the KC-30 will not fit at many existing airfields, EADS is testing the stacking technique shown in the video.

So far this procedure is only authorized for the KC-30 when empty, but an EADS spokesperson assures this reporter that, after they get some kinks worked out, it will also be authorized for fully loaded tankers.

The spokesperson went on to state, "See there is no MOG problem. This just shows you that at EADS we have the bold vision to try new things and not cling to old ways of doing business. Boeing engineers would have never have thought of this."

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Consumer Alert: Beware of Sub-prime Contractors

Today I want to bring your attention an important consumer alert to inform you about a serious danger to our economy: Sub-prime Contractors.

Many of us are now realizing the toll sub-prime lending has had on the economy and the millions of families who have lost their homes because of these unscrupulous lenders. But, what most people don't realize is the equally grave danger sub-prime military contractors pose to our economy.

Never heard of a sub-prime contractor, you say.

We let me explain, a sub-prime contractor works much like a sub-prime lender. The sub-prime contractor is one who sells to the government but would not normally qualify for contracts as a prime contractor. Some are independent, but increasingly they are affiliates of foreign contractors operating under different names.

Sub-prime contractors seldom if ever identify themselves as such, and often they use established well known American companies as false fronts or as ghost prime contractors.

The only clear giveaway is their prices, which uniformly have low teaser rates and much higher life cycle costs. You want to avoid them if you can, but if you must deal with them be sure to factor in all cost correctly.

I can't stress how important it is to stay away for sub-prime contractors. To illustrate this point let me read you an e-mail I recently received:

Dear TAnchorman,

I've just signed a contract with what I now realize is a sub-prime contractor. After closing I found out there were all these costs and fees: $30 billion more in fuel costs, $19 billion more in maintenance/infrastructure costs. And the darn thing is so big that it can't even be used at 50% of the places I work.

I don't know what to do, and I really need that extra money for transformation and some air dominance.


Tragically it may be too late for anything but a congressional bailout for A.F., but it doesn't have to be that way for you.

So remember buyers, do your homework and be sure you know exactly with whom you are dealing. Also, be sure to look for words such as Aeronautic and European in the small print or in listings of subcontractors; these are usually good indications that the buyer should beware.